The Rally Cry of my Soul

I lean not on my own understanding
My life is in the hands of the maker of Heaven

Song lyrics are incredibly meaningful to me. I tend to latch onto words or phrases in different seasons, searching out the perfect ones to connect me to the Father. In April, I had the chance to visit the Outpour team in Mae Sot, and for the first time, I heard the song, Nothing I Hold Onto. In it, the writer repeats two sentences over and over again, as if he is reminding himself or maybe convincing his weary heart that, I lean not on my own understanding. My life is in the hands of the maker of Heaven.

Yes
and
Amen.

This song has been on repeat since April. It’s my rally cry song, the kind that I sing, I recite, I remind myself of as I think about the road ahead.

I am insanely excited about the coming days. These are ones full of adventure and new things. They are full of new words, new cultures, new languages. New new new. And I am also incredibly intimidated by the road ahead. For all the reasons these days are exciting, they are also slightly terrifying.

And yet, I have determined not to be held back by intimidation, not to allow fear to claim the day. And so I have my battle song. I lean not on my own understanding. My life is in the hands of the Maker of Heaven. There’s nothing I hold onto. There’s nothing I hold onto. There’s nothing I hold onto.

Perhaps I am the only one who needs to give myself a pep talk in order to do things that are risky or scary or uncomfortable. I’ve spoken in front of multiple small groups at my church over the last two months, and every time I have to psych myself up with a pep talk, as if my mind is the locker room and the tiny part of my brain called “courage” is the coach giving one last hoo-ra of a speech. Perhaps this is just me. 

Or perhaps I am not alone. Maybe just maybe, we all need this kind of pep talk every once in awhile. Maybe we need reminders that we weren’t created to take big steps alone or tackle a mountain on our own.

I lean not on my own understanding
My life is in the hands of the maker of Heaven

In this season, my pep talk sounds a lot like that song. With only 15 days until my world looks drastically different, my insecurities have come out in full force. They fight to be heard, to be noticed. On the rough days, the fear plagues my heart and mind and soul. But on the good days, I remember the power and grace of the Father, the power and grace from a loving Father who assures me that he is more than sufficient. His power is made perfect in weakness.”

Yes
and
Amen.

And so with faith, I clutch my plane tickets. With faith, I hug my family a little tighter. With faith, I begin to say goodbye to those I love dearly. With faith I take small step after small step after small step.

I lean not on my own understanding
My life is in the hands of the maker of Heaven.
There’s nothing I hold onto.
There’s nothing I hold onto.